When the kids have grown and begun their own family, the only person you will always have is your spouse. Work on your love now – don’t wait so that you are certain that there will be a later.
Visualize tip? What do you want your child’s marriage to look like? What do you want for them someday? You are God’s kid. Your spouse too. So what do you think He wants for you? JOY! That is always the answer. So it is important to never lose sight of what is important. Your marriage is a top priority.
”The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord.” Proverbs 18:22
There are things that all mothers want for their children. We all want them to grow up, follow their dreams, be healthy and find love. From mainstream movies, to fairy tales, it is recorded in books and songs, the desire for love is all around us. We all want to find it, and keep it. As mothers, naturally, we want the same for our children… (many, many years from now). One of the best ways to ensure your child finds love in their marriage is to model that for them in your own marriage. How do you want your child’s spouse to treat them? How do you treat yours?
In our eagerness to be great mothers, we often shrug off the need to be a great wife as well. Making your marriage all it can be is as important to being a good mother as feeding your kids. Every marriage can be happy, healthy and filled with love. All you need are TWO willing participants, and the right tools, tips and a little effort.
Sometimes, things don’t work out, for one reason or another. Sometimes Moms are on their own. Sometimes there are not TWO willing participants. But even if you are not in a marriage right now, keep reading, this will help you to build the marriage you want someday.
People always say how marriage takes work. How awful! Who wants to “work” on their relationship? This is the person you chose, you love. It is not about work. That expression is so inaccurate. A good marriage is about understanding one another’s needs and making time to have fun together. And just like everything else in life, there will be changes and challenges. That is what makes love an adventure worth having.
A good marriage requires intimacy, understanding, quality time and unlimited give and take. First take a minute to think about what you would like your marriage to be like. Would you like to do more together? Do you feel he should be helping you more with the kids? Around the house? Would you like to have a better relationship and be more in tune with one another?
Whatever it is that you want you can get there. Communication is the key to every good marriage. Do you know him? Really know each other, favorite time of year, favorite candy, music… Theses favorites change from time to time. You should take the time to discover and rediscover one another. Quality time is vital to you, your spouse and your kids.
Ten Rules to a Happy Marriage
(in no particular order)
Rule 1. Communicate
Talk, explain, and be sure to keep each other up to date on your lives. Tell one another what you have going on today or tomorrow. Explain the things that are important to you in your life. Talk about everything. **Don’t assume the other person already knows. Don’t assume the other person doesn’t care. If it is important enough for you to remember, it is important enough for you to share. Also, cluing one another in on your lives can help the other person to understand your moods. For example, if he knows you are running on a deadline at work or having a conflict with a good friend, he will expect you to be a little more on edge this week. Hopefully he will try to counter that at home by doing something thoughtful for you or just helping around the house a little more this week.
Rule 2. Be honest
When he asks what is wrong – tell him. As women sometimes we have bad days and nothing is wrong, but saying “nothing” makes him feel shut out. Tell him that you are just feeling blue today. Maybe he will try to cheer you up, or at least show you he cares and respects you.
When she asks what you want for dinner – be honest. “I don’t care.” Is not an answer. And saying that to her can make her feel you don’t care about dinner or her. Tell her, “I don’t know honey, I had pizza for lunch, so whatever you want is good.”
**HOT TIP for every man to know!** Women lead stress filled lives, our minds are always juggling, sometimes she just wants you to pick something because she cannot make another decision today. (But the first thing you pick will probably be wrong - lol - just try again.)
Rule 3. Help each other and be gracious
You are following your cleaning schedule now, so he knows what needs done. Maybe you have even given him a list of his own chores. (I call it the “Honey help me” list. It is more effective.) But that doesn’t mean you can’t help with his and vice versa. If he is working late, or if you have extra errands, you should both be pitching in. Helping out shows how much you love each other.
Be gracious by saying “thank you”. Show you genuinely appreciate each other’s contributions. “Please and thank you” do not stop at elementary school… It can make all the difference. Plus, being appreciated encourages you to continue helping out.
Rule 4. Give and give some more
Doing nice things for each other is so important. When you are at the store, pick up his favorite ice cream or snack. Take a minute in the morning to write him a note. Tape it to the mirror or the steering wheel of his car. In this case it is the thought that counts. Women love cards, so take a minute to pick one up – and write at least three sentences inside. You could also take a minute to send her an email, just to let her know you love her and are thinking about her.
*If you are each thinking of the other person, you will be delighted to learn that you don’t have to worry about who is taking care of you. You are taking care of each other, the way you promised to when you got married.
Rule 5. Make quality time count
Sometimes it is nice to cuddle on the couch and watch a good movie, but not all the time. Mix it up. Use your time to build your relationship and have fun together. Play cards, or a board game, take a walk together or just sit and talk about your day (no TV required). This time is essential and you should take full advantage of it to get to know each other better.
Rule 6. Talk it out
If there is something bothering you, talk about it. He can’t read your mind, even if you think he should. The only way to clue him in is by talking. And if he knows how you feel he may even be able to help you. If you are open with each other than you can get through anything!
“If you need to get the last word in, apologize.”
Rule 7. Plan together
Make goals for your future. Will we move someday? Where should we go on vacation this summer? What should we do with the kids this weekend? Answering these questions together shows how much you respect the other person’s opinion. And the fact is that when a couple makes long term goals together – their marriage lasts. Having future goals lets the other person know, “I really am planning on being with you forever.”
Rule 8. Say good-bye to money wars
Finance is the number one cause of divorce in America. If you are communicating and planning together, then you are both aware of your finances. Live with in your means, make a budget, map it out and work together to stick to it. Make plans on how to get further in the future if that is what you want, but talking about it together can help to avoid the arguments.
**Make a list of things to do with “extra money”. Say you want a new dishwasher, but he wants a new computer. Instead of arguing, make a list, see what is most important to the family, then keep to the list. As money comes in through overtime, a yard sale or whatever it is, you now have agreed on what to do with it. Everyone wins.
Rule 9. Take an interest
Even when you don’t want to, taking an interest in your hubby’s hobbies and past times is great bonding and insight for the both of you. This is the person you love. So whether he is a sports fanatic, a car nut or a computer junky – take an interest. If you know more about his past times, you may get interested too. Besides, it will give you lots more to talk about.
The same can be said for her. Whether she is spilling her guts about her friend’s lives, crazy about crafting or an avid reader detailing the latest book she is reading. Pay attention. Try sharing your hobbies, and doing them together.
Be patient with one another. Maybe you are not interested because you don’t really get it. But if you take some time to talk it out and try your best, you may find you are more interested then you thought. And even if you are not, supporting your spouse is key to a happy marriage. So if it means doing a scrapbook page with your wife, or learning the rules of football with your husband – give it a try, at least you will have an appreciation of one another’s passions!
Rule 10. Physical Affection
Kiss every day! Hold hands, hug, playful tickling – anything to keep up the physical connection. The gentle touch of his hand on your back or a five second neck massage can mean so much. Keeping up with the physical affection sends a message to each other, that being “I still find you attractive”. And most important of all, at least one long kiss on the lips every day!
Each of these rules are essential to maintaining a good and healthy marriage. Though I have numbered them, they are in no particular order. They should all be rule number one. Commit these rules to memory. Go over them with your spouse and make the commitment together to stick to them.