What's your purpose?

What if you took ten minutes to read this and it changed your life? What if it changed how you see the world? Or more importantly, how you see yourself?

I was born for this.

I was born to type - to write. I love the way the keys feel under my finger tips. I love hitting the keys faster than the monitor can light up the letters. I love to type. I love a blank sheet of paper and a sharpened pencil. I always have. I have always seen it as a world full of promise and hope and possibilities. I love writing. Even if that blank sheet of paper is merely the Word doc display on my computer screen…(It is even better actually, because spell check is a good friend of mine whom I will always be eternally grateful for. And I am sure my readers also appreciate the fact that my correctly spelled words help to get to the point.)

For me it is magical. The joy that I feel as my words light up the screen and all the things I am thinking and feeling spill out onto the page it lights my very soul. It is my purpose. And here is how I know...

Smile when your doing something you are meant to be doing.

PS – I am resisting my urge to repeatedly use smiley faces at the end of each thought. So from here on out it is safe to assume there is humor in my points – always. It is what I am known for. I love the winking smile too. I am always using it in texts and Facebook status updates to convey the irony or the joke. So let’s assume from here on out that I am always smiling. I typically am anyhow, in real life not just on the computer screen. Because I am happy. Happiness comes easily when you are doing what you were born to do – what you were made to do – what God has called you to do.

There is a sense of purpose that makes everything in life make sense to you. There is a sense of “home” that I only feel when I am writing. There is a meaning and a purpose and a place that I love behind a keyboard that makes my face illuminate with joy. A joy that is found when I am doing exactly what I should be doing. Behind a keyboard and on a stage. That is the other place I belong, on a stage. I love the stage. The attention of others while sharing my heart has always been the places I have loved. So whether I am behind the keyboard of my computer or on a stage somewhere sharing what God has put on my heart doing what I was created to do is what makes me happy. I know that now.

What makes you happy?

I could not answer that question for years. I could not tell you what made me happy. I fought a terrible depression and a loneliness that was unbearable and difficult now to admit. But I will. I will share every trial and challenge of my life if it will help someone else to get out of or to all together avoid going through the challenges I have faced.

My trials made one thing very certain, it was clear to me that I had a “big purpose on my life”. Otherwise why would Satan work so hard to keep me down? That was one of the many lines I told myself to make me feel better. It was something I said to help pull me out of difficult slumps. It didn’t actually work well for me. That made it more difficult. I thought I would convince myself how important I was to God and then I would find this amazing courage to get over my pain and my useless feelings and just be the light that I was called to. Only that is NOT what would happen at all! Instead, I felt worse.

Guilty maybe that even though God supposedly had a great call and purpose on my life, I couldn’t get it together. Like perhaps I was the one mistake God had managed to make. The faith and plans he had for me were going to fail because I couldn’t get together.

Don’t get me wrong I found plenty of other people to blame for my pain. I blamed my parents, my childhood friends, my husband, the people who failed to reach out to be my friend… Anyone I could think of to be disappointed in. And disappointment came easy to me. I could pick a situation apart quickly. I could meet someone and almost instantly know how they would likely let me down. I became very good at deciphering the flaws and faults of others. Though I knew I wasn’t without faults. In fact I would often advertise my flaws before others would get the chance. NO one knew my faults better than me. I rehearsed them in my mind routinely. I knew where I lacked, what I didn’t know was how to fix it.

The sad thing about faults and flaws is that one can grow very attached to them. It can even become a part of one’s identity that was never meant to be. Faults were not meant to be embraced. No our flaws are not a part of who we are. They are instead blocking us from our true self, our true potential, our true purpose filled path. – Let it go. ​​

But don't burst into song just yet...

I learned to let it go here, at my finger tips, behind a keyboard, spilling out my secret feeling and vulnerability to strangers. Silly as it sounds, it is my home. It is my great purpose.

Purpose which I had said was obviously great. It had to be as I already stated, Satan was working overtime to trip up my path. Funny how we are so sure that we have a great purpose. While I still believe that, now I see it differently. I believe that everyone has a big purpose – yes EVERYONE. And I didn’t always think so. I used to think it was impossible for everyone to have a big purpose. That seems silly or overwhelming or HUGE. How could everyone have a huge purpose?!

That is ridiculous. Almost as big as bringing forth life from dirt. Almost as preposterous as building a big boat and saving a zoo full of animals. It sounds impossible, almost like raising from the dead. Ahhh! That’s it! It is preposterous and big and impossible, just like my Jesus! (I know I am using too many exclamation points but this is really exciting!) What if life, the life of even just one person reached is the big purpose?

You know it is funny (ironic not haha) how our human ideals of important or big is so, well, wrong. What if we do all have a great purpose to reach just one person to show them the true love of God? What if life was about reaching one, touching their life and giving them the push they needed to turn their sorrow into joy?

Here is an example: So I know a lady going to school for medical research. God set her clearly on the path to medicine. She believes God has a big plan for her life. Maybe she will find the cure for cancer?!

Okay, maybe she will, awesome. But even if that is not how it plays out, that doesn’t mean that God’s plan for her life isn’t big. Maybe she will work beside someone who will only ever see what love looks like because this girl is now sitting next to her and she will be the one real light in their life. Wouldn’t that be worth it? Just that? Wouldn’t that be something big? To save the eternity of another person, to make a difference in someone else’s life. That is the greatest purpose of all.

Here is what I know... His ways are higher than our ways and his thoughts are higher than our thoughts. He loves us with an everlasting love and he wants us to have hope in the future. Maybe that is the big plan. Maybe that is the reason we are called to childlike faith? Maybe it isn’t about reaching the masses. Maybe it isn’t about being our version of BIG. Maybe it is about reaching our neighbor. Reaching the lady checking us out at the grocery store. Maybe the BIG plan God has for us today is reaching out the girl at church who you didn’t even know was lonely and depressed because no one had invited her to dinner. Maybe….

Maybe the BIG plan God has for you is for today. Let’s see what you do with the amazing life God gave you today. It will open more doors for your tomorrow. Maybe that is the point and the plan. Be love to those around. Look for ways to love and be a big deal to someone else. Because life is a BIG deal and love is the BIGGEST part of that.

Today it is all about YOU!

What if you took ten minutes to read this and it changed your life? What if it changed how you see the world? Or more importantly, how you see yourself?

What if you are the only reason that I am awake at 1:30 am typing? What if this is all for you? Yes YOU! What if you are the big purpose God has given me for today?

I hope you are. I hope you know that you are worth it. You are worth God’s time and my time. You are a big deal. So big that Satan tried to stop me from finding myself behind my keyboard where I belong just so you wouldn’t know what a big deal you are. Just so you wouldn’t touch someone else who is a big deal.

Even if you are the ONLY one, the only person who is ever touched by my writing this, it is worth it! God loves you. So thanks, because you helped me fulfill my big purpose for today.

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