She's Not Your Competition: The Kind of Friend Who Wants You to Flourish

Nicole Woltz
Aug 12
4 min read

Have you ever had a friend share really good news—and you were happy for her… but also felt that little something in your stomach?

She got the opportunity.

Her prayer was answered.

Her business is growing. Her relationship is thriving. She seems confident. Her ministry is taking off. She is stepping into something you secretly wish God would do in your life too.

You love her. You really do.

But suddenly her good news feels like a mirror reflecting everything you think is missing in your own life.

Friend, that doesn't make you terrible. It makes you human. But it also gives us an invitation: Will we let comparison shape our friendships, or will we let God teach us how to celebrate one another?

In 1 Samuel 18–20, we get a powerful picture of a friendship that refused to become a competition: David and Jonathan.

Jonathan Had a Reason to Feel Threatened

Jonathan wasn't just anybody. He was King Saul's son. He had position, privilege, and every human reason to care about what his future might look like.

Then David enters the story and begins to rise.

David is courageous. People notice him. God is clearly at work in his life. And as Saul becomes increasingly threatened by David, Jonathan could have chosen the same response. He could have viewed David's growth as dangerous to his own significance.

But he doesn't.

First Samuel 18 tells us that Jonathan loved David deeply, made a covenant with him, and gave him his robe and weapons. Later, when Saul sought to harm David, Jonathan warned David and advocated for him. When friendship became risky and inconvenient, Jonathan didn't turn David into an enemy.

He chose loyalty.

That is the kind of friendship I want. And honestly? It is the kind of friend I want to become.

Her Calling Is Not Competition for Yours

Comparison tells us there isn't enough.

Not enough opportunity. Not enough attention. Not enough success. Not enough room for both of us to matter.

So when she receives something good, comparison whispers, What about me?

But what if we stopped treating God's purpose like a pie with a limited number of slices?

What God is doing in her does not erase what He is doing in you.

Her gifts don't make yours less valuable. Her confidence doesn't make you less worthy. Her opportunity doesn't mean you've been forgotten. Her season of flourishing doesn't mean your story has stalled.

You and I do not have to fight for the same identity because God did not create us to be the same person.

That fits right into what it means to be a 522Gal: we can stop trying to become someone else and grow into the woman God created each of us to be.

Faithful Friends Don't Need You to Stay Small

One of the clearest signs of a healthy friendship is that there is room to grow.

A faithful friend can say:

Go for it.

I see that gift in you.

I'm proud of you.

I think God is growing something beautiful in you.

And she can mean it without silently needing you to fail so she can feel better about herself.

That doesn't mean faithful friends flatter each other or agree with everything. Real friendship includes honesty. Sometimes wanting someone to flourish means lovingly telling her something difficult.

But the heart underneath it is the same: I want God's best for you, not merely the version of you that makes me most comfortable.

What If I'm the One Struggling With Jealousy?

Let's be honest here, because pretending isn't transformation.

Maybe you recognize yourself in the comparison part of this conversation. You want to celebrate your friend, but something in you hurts.

Don't run from that feeling or dress it up. Bring it to God.

Ask yourself:

What am I afraid her success says about me?

Maybe the fear is, I'm behind.

I'm not as gifted.

God forgot me.

There won't be room for me too.

Then answer that fear with truth: God's faithfulness to her is not evidence of His absence from your life.

You can be genuinely happy for her and still honestly bring your own longing to God. Those two things can coexist.

Don't Just Look for a Jonathan—Become One

It's easy to read this story and think, I need friends like Jonathan.

And yes, pay attention to the people who genuinely want you to flourish. Treasure the friends who celebrate you, tell you the truth, pray for you, protect your confidence, and don't become distant every time something good happens in your life.

But let's take it one step further.

Before asking, “Who is that friend for me?” ask, “Am I that friend for someone else?”

Do I celebrate without comparing?

Do I encourage without needing credit?

Do I stay loyal when it is inconvenient?

Can my friends grow, change, succeed, and step boldly into their calling without me making their growth about my insecurity?

That's faithful friendship.

Your Challenge This Week

Choose one friend.

Think about what you genuinely see God developing in her—maybe courage, patience, wisdom, leadership, compassion, discipline, joy, faith, or a gift she is finally beginning to use.

Then tell her.

Be specific:

“I see God growing ______ in you. I hope you know that I see it, I celebrate it, and I'm cheering you on.”

What if we became women who were known for doing that?

Women who don't compete with one another's calling.

Women who don't need someone else to shrink.

Women who remind each other, Keep going. I see what God is doing in you.

Her flourishing doesn't diminish yours.

She's not your competition. She's your opportunity to practice faithful friendship.

Reflect

When a friend is flourishing in an area where you feel insecure or still waiting, what rises up in you—and what would it look like to choose celebration instead of comparison?

Listen

Listen to Week 1 of the Faithful Friendship series on Girl Read Your Bible: She's Not Your Competition — A Friend Who Wants You to Flourish.

Read along in 1 Samuel 18:1–4; 19:1–7; 20:1–42.